I just wanted to do an official post and let everyone know that I am returning to my former blog. Truthfully, I miss it. I was on that blog for many years and it was like a comfortable pair of old shoes.
I have food issues. I always have. I need one place where I am honest with my feelings and my inner crazy thoughts. So in amongst the happy happy mommy posts and my recipes and my vegetarian thoughts, here is where I spill those thoughts that overwhelm me.
I feel guilty. I had a big lunch of vegan macaroni and cheez. It was thick and yummy and it was NOT low fat and it was WAY too many calories and I am sitting here nearly in tears because I wasn’t strong enough not to eat so very much lunch.
Okay so here’s the thing. I hate my stomach. My girls will be silly and jump on my and watch my belly jiggle and I hate it. I know I just had a baby but when I look at it, it has the look of homemade bread that has risen and then started to be punched down. It is jiggly and fluffy and not attractive AT ALL.
I feel so desperate for the yuckiness to go away. I have to watch myself because there are days when I would do anything to lose weight and look better.
I turned 40 last month and I decided that this is the year that I get my body back and I get healthy again. I am going to take my diet step by step towards a healthier way of eating and towards a way of life that I can maintain. I am going to enjoy my life in HRM with my kids, enjoying all that it has to offer. I want to lose between 65 and 80 lbs. 65 would get me to about 10 lbs below my best weight to date and 80 would take me to my ideal charted BMI. I don’t have any scales right now, so I am just eating and trying to be healthy but I plan on buying a set of scales soon and then I will update on my progress here.