I have food issues. I always have. I need one place where I am honest with my feelings and my inner crazy thoughts. So in amongst the happy happy mommy posts and my recipes and my vegetarian thoughts, here is where I spill those thoughts that overwhelm me.
I feel guilty. I had a big lunch of vegan macaroni and cheez. It was thick and yummy and it was NOT low fat and it was WAY too many calories and I am sitting here nearly in tears because I wasn’t strong enough not to eat so very much lunch.
Okay so here’s the thing. I hate my stomach. My girls will be silly and jump on my and watch my belly jiggle and I hate it. I know I just had a baby but when I look at it, it has the look of homemade bread that has risen and then started to be punched down. It is jiggly and fluffy and not attractive AT ALL.
I feel so desperate for the yuckiness to go away. I have to watch myself because there are days when I would do anything to lose weight and look better.
I weighed in at the doctor’s office on Tuesday. I am down 18 lbs since my first weigh-in after having the baby. I have 12 lbs to go to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and about 62 lbs to my goal weight.
I am feeling pretty good, less tired and with cutting out dairy or gluten my digestion is doing SO MUCH better. I honestly can’t remember when my stomach has felt this good.
My breakfast this morning was a YUMMY smoothie made with:
unsweetened almond milk,
a little peanut butter.
My lunch was steamed veggies (cabbage, zucchini, mushrooms, corn, and green pepper) simply seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic it was really great.
I turned 40 last month and I decided that this is the year that I get my body back and I get healthy again. I am going to take my diet step by step towards a healthier way of eating and towards a way of life that I can maintain. I am going to enjoy my life in HRM with my kids, enjoying all that it has to offer. I want to lose between 65 and 80 lbs. 65 would get me to about 10 lbs below my best weight to date and 80 would take me to my ideal charted BMI. I don’t have any scales right now, so I am just eating and trying to be healthy but I plan on buying a set of scales soon and then I will update on my progress here.